Are You My Lover?

ESSAY by Katelyn Phan ◈ Photo credit: Stock Cake |

If only the city loved us back.

I step onto the Tube and am immediately met with the smell of the Underground: hot metal, dust, and a tinge of piss. Scanning the carriage, I look for the seat that’s worn out the least. A friend once told me a story of how she sat in a seat that was drenched in a mysterious bodily fluid, and she proceeded to get a rash the next day. I’m not a germaphobe–when was the last time you really thought about the surfaces you touch every day? Nevertheless, I’m here. On the Northern line. In London.

It’s here or nowhere.

A manufactured breeze sweeps through my hair. The stale air kisses my cheek as a lover might. Have you ever noticed the small Ferris wheel designs on the fabric of the seats? Isn’t that so clever? Of course I’ve never been to the Eye. It’s for tourists.

I am not a tourist; I will reside here one day. I’m a prospective lover of sorts, you might say. This is a courtship.

I exit the stuffed station, met by the suddenly cool evening air; just a couple hours before, the air was too thick to breathe. There was a time when I considered myself extremely sensitive to drastic temperature changes. But for London? I don’t really mind.

(Look at me, London! I am fitting myself into your box!)

I begin my walk back to my flat, studying the city. I study the uneven pavement to ensure that I don’t trip, because true Londoners never trip. I study various works of graffiti and murals, created by artists of all sorts, like love letters to this place. How many of them went unanswered?

I realize that I haven’t written a love letter to London yet. I don’t want to come on too strong or scare it away. If I never ask the question, it can’t turn me down.

I haven’t been mugged yet, so surely this city loves me too.

About the Author

Katelyn Phan is a student at Miami University studying Media and Communications along with English Literature. She is a qualitative researcher in the humanities, primarily exploring how digital platforms shape cultural narratives and influence societal perceptions of identity and aesthetics. When she’s not doing research, she can be found drawing with oil pastels or coming up with outfits for her next event.